we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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