when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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