I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
