Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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