If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
