I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize