i just wanna soil my oats bro
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
