i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
