Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
