Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
