My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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