Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Blood and glitter go together right?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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