i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
