I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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