Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
