so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
