I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
sex in a hospital.. check
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
