who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
