Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
