Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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