He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
