why didn't you poke me back
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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