awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So vagazzling was a success
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
