Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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