Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
