I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
