I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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