yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
