census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
