How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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