i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
