2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
