Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize