watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
