Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
