Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so let's talk penis.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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