It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
