How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
