you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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