Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
