Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
