Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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