I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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