Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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