At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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