I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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