I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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