For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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