You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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