I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize