I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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