but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
