If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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