She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
