I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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