Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
