i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
