Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
