So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
