If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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