I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
