So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
