How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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