Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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