I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
