he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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