Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
