She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You pole danced in your parka.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
