you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
