i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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