This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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