So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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