I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
