All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
