he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
