don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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