I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
