u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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