YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
